So… your parents hurt you? Get the f**k over it.
Getting healed instead of forever healing
I’m starting to write this, as I’m on a retreat. It’s called “Evolution” and has elements of Tantra.
Facilitators are cute and believe that they can teach based on the fact that they watched a lot of YouTube, Mindvalley and went to some retreats themselves. They’re nice and their intentions are there, but they don’t understand many of the practices they introduce… anyways.
We got to a point where they (in several attempts) made the participants re-live their childhood traumas. For some people it was the first time working with this subject, so it was very meaningful, but to my surprise, a few people that went through therapy to get over that, still were willing to go through it again.
I opted out and spend most of these as a pure spectator.
Facilitators themselves have demonstrated and were releasing the emotions in regards to their parents over and over again. And they believe and teach people that that’s the way to go.
They tried to even convince me that I still have unresolved traumas, when I actually did a lot of work on that and am very happy with the relationship I have with both of my parents (though it’s been a journey).
What I’m trying to say is… trauma is not a never ending black hole. Especially childhood trauma. Things have happened in the past, and it sucks. I’m never going to say that it doesn’t matter or it’s not important. It’s super important.
My dad is a drug addict. I really know how a relationship with a parent can be fu**ed up. I’ve been through all kinds of shit because of that. So I’m really not trying to minimize anybody’s pain.
Thing is, this happened in the past. And if you have never revisited that, I very much encourage you too. In a safe environment. With a person you trust. What worked for me was hypnotherapy.
Revisit the traumas, re-live them once, release all the negative emotions there are, forgive yourself and your parents and… that’s it.
I’m not joking. There’s nothing more to that. Once you do it thoroughly, this it literally it.
Healing trauma is not a magic process that needs to take years. It can, if you’re reluctant to honestly face what happened. It can, if you’re not willing to let that go and want to build your life on being a victim. It can, if it profits you.
In case of these facilitators and some other therapists I’ve met, they’re building their careers on their traumas. They teach you how to heal while still not allowing themselves to heal, because it benefits them. “It makes me an empath”. Sure, having a hole in your heart forces you to pay close attention to emotions of others out of fear and sure, it can definitely help to empathise with people, but is that a life you wish to anyone? I certainly don’t.
Also, this type of thinking puts you in a constant victim mode. You believe that you’re a victim of your parents and whatever you do wrong, it’s not really your fault, it’s the fault of people that hurt you. I have heard excuses like — “it’s because my mom didn’t love me”, “I did it because my dad wasn’t present”, etc. so many times, and they are kind of valid. Yes, you’re f**ked up because people hurt you in the past, but how about stopping pointing fingers and getting your sh*t together?
Taking responsibility for your life isn’t super sexy. The more I grow, the more I see how powerful the victim state is, and how surprisingly far it can get you in life. But if you are forever “healing” from your childhood traumas, you’re not allowing yourself to become an adult. You’re not allowing yourself to grow, and that’s what “healing” should be all about, right?
You can do it and you deserve it.
