30+ and single? It is ok. Really.

Why the social pressure to get married and have kids still rules our lives?

First, let’s get some facts straight:

1. Earth is overpopulated.
2. We are on the verge of an environmental catastrophe.
3. Every human can live their life according to their preference as long as they don’t hurt others.

Having said that — I have lately published an answer on Quora on “What sucks about being your age?”. I’m not going to cite the whole thing, but it was more less:

“I’m 30.

Most of my friends are in committed relationships and don’t really have much time or will to hang out and do random stuff.

(…)

and yes, I did have issues with expectations towards starting a family, getting married, owning a house etc. and it did worried me for some time but I guess I just accepted that I might be this 1 eccentric aunt that will not have that and it’s ok 🙌🏼 ”

To my surprise I got many comments, upvotes and private messages based on this answer. Some of them were just creeps trying to date me because I came out as single (btw how sad, that for some it’s the only criteria), some people kept giving me “good advice” to think of children soon, but others made me realize…

Many people aged 28–35 still feel a massive social pressure to get married and have kids and many of them give in to that, not because of a genuine will to have kids, but because of expectations.

What I can’t comprehend is… why?

Why would you put a pressure on your family, friends or strangers on the internet to find a Partner and have kids?

Why would you marry just because people around you tell you to do so?

Again, read the facts on top of this article. I can add 2 more to it without a lot of thought:

• divorce rate is constantly growing,
• kids and teenagers nowadays are often having mental health issues, suicides number among them is growing rapidly -> it’s not like kids you brought to the world already are living their best lives, is it?

And obviously, getting married and having kids can be the most rewarding thing for some people, and good for them, it’s just not for everyone. There’s nothing more to it. Just deal with it.

Most of the cases — it’s not that women want to be independent and single their whole lives. Shocker, right? It’s just they haven’t met anyone they could start a family with and/or for some reason it didn’t work out. And it’s none of your business. Being nosey about it and giving advice on the subject is actually only making things worse.

Live and let live. If someone doesn’t live the way you imagine an adult life should be, just shut up and accept that people have to live with the choices they’ve made. Yes, you too, so focus on your decisions first.

And can we talk about just 1 more thing?

Getting married and having kids is not a most important life goal for people anymore.

I could have gotten married and have kids by now. I would have a mediocre, boring life. I would have to work full time to sustain for my family, as I haven’t been with anyone exceptionally wealthy so far. I would have to wake up early, prepare kids, go to work, get home tired, clean up and exahausted go to sleep. I would have to wait for every vacation as it was a salvation. If that’s your dream, cool, enjoy, but to me it sounds more like a nightmare.

I choose life where I can decide what and when I want to do. Where I can quit my job, because it makes me unhappy and not worry about mortgage or food for kids. Where I don’t need to argue with others. Where I can just pack my bags and lead a beach life in Mexico for a month and then go to Berlin the other day. That’s my life and that’s how I want to live it. It might sound like a nightmare to you, but remember? Live and let live.

And if you’re on the 30+, not married, no kids — it’s ok. It’s your choice, it’s your life and as long as you don’t let others influence your decisions you’re going to be more then fine!

It’s a cliche, but… enjoy your life, you only have one!